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       is it a good way to discipline?

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squirt1983

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I think it is.  When I say 'spanking' I don't mean excessive spanking, beating or abusing in any way.  I think its the only way for children to learn right from wrong.  They need to know that there are consequences when they do something wrong.  I believe that if you talk to your children and explain to them why, rather than just hauling off and hitting them when they color on the wall with crayon.  Tell your children that you love them and that is why you must 'punish' them for doing something wrong.  Tell your children that you don't like spanking them, but they need to know that they did something wrong.  Make sure you're kids know that you love them and that is why you are disciplining them.


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Happiness is wetting your pants--the whole world can see it, but only you can feel its warmth.
-Author Unknown
 


Posts: 41 | Posted: 10:46 PM on October 20, 2002 | IP
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i agree!
 


Posts: 0 | Posted: 12:25 AM on October 21, 2002 | IP
Cool-Hand-Dave

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so, does that mean that the only form of punishment is hitting your kid?  and by the way, spanking is just a prettier word for hitting because we don't like to thing that we, as civilized beings, hit our kids.  why not explain to them what they did wrong (i very much agree with that part of your post) and then take away the crayons for a while and send them to their room or put them in time-out instead of being violent?  most people spank because it is an immediate response to anger and then later think it out logically.  honestly, it doesn't make sense to me.


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Cool Hand Dave
 


Posts: 134 | Posted: 12:58 AM on October 21, 2002 | IP
thistownwilleatu

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I agree with Cool Hand Dave, the fact is that you are doing nothing more than hitting your kid.  Supposedly you're an adult, surely we can think of a better way to discipline our kids than by using something that we tell them is wrong.  And parents are big fans of saying that it is strictly a form of discipline, an act of love, and for some it may be that, but I think a lot of times it is a parent who is venting his own anger and frustration in an immature way.  Your a big boy/girl now can't you be a little more creative in your discipline than physical pain?


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"The greatest evil is not done in those sordid dens of evil that Dickens loved to paint ... but is conceived and ordered (moved, seconded, carried and minuted) in clear, carpeted, warmed, well-lighted offices, by quiet men with white collars and cut fingernails and smooth-shaven cheeks who do not need to raise their voices." - Thomas Merton

"I thank my God for every remembrance of you." - Paul
 


Posts: 341 | Posted: 09:39 AM on October 21, 2002 | IP
mrmazet

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1. I think that there is a difference between the words spank and hit. Much the same as the difference between slap and hit. Slap/spank unusally implies the hand if open, hit usually implies it's a fist. Also, slap/spank usually imply a lesser degreee of force then hit.

2. I think that parents who discipline (not just spanking, all discipline) their kids out of anger are wrong in doing so.

3. I think that any physical punishment should ceratinly be no harder then what's typically refered to as spanking.

4. I think that explaining to the child that you love them, care for them, and are trying to make them better is important regardless of what type of discipline.

5. I think there should be more research done into the effects of spanking on children.
 


Posts: 122 | Posted: 3:50 PM on October 21, 2002 | IP
AlexanderTheGreat

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there has been a lot of research done on spanking. studies show children who were spanked statistically have more discipline problems at an older age (although they have not been able to prove that this isn't just because children more disposed toward unruliness are more often spanked because they act out more). Personally, I think society is pretty advanced, and it confuses me why spanking is considered the standard method of punishment. Why is is better than time-out or taking away something or something that promotes rational deduction on the part of the child. spanking just works like this: see this, it hurts (a little) and scares you, so next time you plan on doing something wrong, remember that fear, and refrain. That's called education through terror tactics. It is not good for each generation's first experiences with punishment and discipline to all be linked with physical violence, whether it "open-handed" or "back up with love".


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Alex
 


Posts: 292 | Posted: 01:35 AM on October 23, 2002 | IP
madbilly

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mrmazet is right i was whipped my entire life and believe it or not i will say i am glad that my dad would whip me. it made me the only person in my group of friends to even graduate high school and go to college. It taugth me right from wrong. i dont believe in grounding children i just dont believe it works. whipping a child teaches them respect to there parents as you say through fear but i think it is just respect.


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my name is madbilly....what did you expect me to be happy when my name says Mad in it...
 


Posts: 451 | Posted: 01:40 AM on October 23, 2002 | IP
squirt1983

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ok, I guess I have to clarify some of that.  After the child does wrong, the first time, time-out works, taking away the crayons, etc.  But if the child continues to disobey, after they know that it is wrong, time-out doesn't work anymore.  
As a child, I was spanked, alot.  Because I was told I did something wrong, and I continued to disobey.  I am not afraid of my parents and I know that I will use the same method with my children.  I have six older brothers, and one older sister.  Five of these have children.  I see the differences in the childrens behavior, based on the discipline that their parents use.  
The children that are told to go to their room, don't understand that something is wrong.  they do a bad thing, and get sent to their bedroom to play with more toys.  Every time they do something wrong, they get told no.  No matter how many times this happens, the consequences never change or get worse.  The child thinks that no is the only consequence in life and if they choose not to follow that, they will never learn and they continue to do wrong.  And later in life, when someone tells them no, they defy them and have to face consequences that they don't understand.   They will have no respect for authority, and they will think that they can do whatever they want and don't have to listen to anybody.
On the other hand, the children that are spanked after repeating the offense, are better behaved children.  They have respect for authority, and they understand that there are different levels of consequences.  
1st offense: tell them no
2nd offense: time-out/take away the toy
3rd offense(after the child knows it is wrong and does it anyway): a spanking.


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Happiness is wetting your pants--the whole world can see it, but only you can feel its warmth.
-Author Unknown
 


Posts: 41 | Posted: 01:54 AM on October 23, 2002 | IP
madbilly

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i agree a three step program., now that i think of it my parents did do that but i only got the point after step three.


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my name is madbilly....what did you expect me to be happy when my name says Mad in it...
 


Posts: 451 | Posted: 01:58 AM on October 23, 2002 | IP
Exxoss

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So by taking a belt and beating your child he is going to learn that what he did is wrong?  Or is he going to take it in his childish way, and believe that you are 'eveil' and dont love, but only want to hurt him.  Children have a different midset than adults;  Adults think that children will learn that what they did led to the physical pain brought on by the parents.  Children think that parents are just being mean; that the only reason they were hit is because the parent is being a big meany like the bully at school, and is 'beating' them for sheer pleasure.  That love is when you are hugged/kissed, not being hurt by your parents to learn rights/wrongs.  Children automatically assume that if someone hits them, that person is mean because of the fact that hitting someone is a no-no.  Therefore, parental spanking/whipping only makes the child angry at their parents, thus the increase in teen rebelliion amongst those who are hurt as punishment.

On the other hand, we have timeout/rejection of 'privaleges'.  This doesnt work either.  A child who is sent to his room thinks that the reason they are banned from crayons is because their parents are mean to them all the time, and that crayons are their only friend.

Let's face it: Punishing children just doesnt work in the way we want it to.  Thus, I have developed my own 3 step plan.  

1. Tell the child what he did was bad, but you 'let him off easy'.
2. Tell the child what he did broke the rules again, and give him a scare by saying that he will end upp like the last guy that was caught doing that. (i.e. The last guy that did that got his head cut off by the queen.)
3. Tell your child he broke the rule for the third time, and now he will be punished by your monitoring of him whenver he goes near that bad thing again.

I hope that some parents out there test my 3 step plan.  It is merely a theory, but i think it works better than beating and grounding.


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Posts: 438 | Posted: 4:58 PM on November 1, 2002 | IP
lindemne

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I think there is a time and a place for spanking.  You should never spank out of anger but their comes a time when your little youngster just needs something more than a time out to get their attention.  Something I have heard about was the one to three magic.  When they misbehave you say "One" this gives them an oportunity to correct what is wrong.  They do it again you say "Two".  That gives them another chance to change what is wrong.  They do it one more time you say "Three" and that is when you have to do something.  Probably not a swat on the behind but something to let them know that what they did was wrong i.e. taking away a privilege  or not doing that special thing you were going to do with them.  The thing is you have to follow through with it and I think that is where most parents fail.  Follow through on the discipline  and save the spankings for something serious.
 


Posts: 2 | Posted: 11:03 PM on November 9, 2002 | IP
locagirl

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ok lets pretend im a little kid. and yes, i just drew on the wall with crayons.  my parents were not happy that I did this, and they want me to know not to do it in the future, so they spank me. they tell me that they love me and it is something they need to do to teach me a lesson.

the next day, im in preschool, when a friend of mine wrote on my paper. i wanted the friend to realize that they were doing something that wasnt appreciated, and even though i liked the friend very much, i started spanking him/her.  

is this the type of violent behavior that kids should be taught? "it is right to hit (i still think they mean the same thing) someone, if you have a reason to do so. it teaches lessons" i think i will go and shoot that guy...his family needs to learn that they are being rude to me.

it is important for children to grow up knowing that NO FORM OF VIOLENCE IS ACCEPTABLE, and spanking a child is teaching just the opposite.
 


Posts: 60 | Posted: 4:28 PM on November 11, 2002 | IP
kc2gwx

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I'm not really going to join this debate, but I did want to say something. I heard on the 6:00 news a little while ago that new studies showed spanking is a good thing. The children did not become violent. I was spanked as a child, and I'm not violent (well, I do play football, but that is different). People have been spanking for ages, and it is an acceptable method of disipline. However, spanking and abuse are totally different, but that is a different story.


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Posts: 101 | Posted: 11:29 PM on November 13, 2002 | IP
Cool-Hand-Dave

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i think most of us can say that we were spanked as children and that none of us turned out bad or violent or whatever, but i don't agree with spanking.  it doesn't teach discipline, or respect.  just fear, even though the two are often confused.  when i was a kid i didn't think "gee Mom, i respect you so i think i won't do this."  it was more along the lines of "gee Mom, i sure am afraid of the pain i'll feel if i do this, so i think i might pass."  i don't want to give the impression that my mom beat me or anything, she just gave spankings.  i think she could've gotten the point across a different way.  just like any other adult can get the point across a different way



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Cool Hand Dave
 


Posts: 134 | Posted: 02:00 AM on November 14, 2002 | IP
locagirl

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i was never spanked. i am not violent. i have never feared my parents
 


Posts: 60 | Posted: 8:02 PM on November 15, 2002 | IP
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unfortunentely spanking is still hitting, which is still abuse to the child which is still illegal, i use he threat that i will call the police any time i sense them enraged towards me. i never hit because of it.
-i am xenjael
 


Posts: 0 | Posted: 8:07 PM on December 11, 2002 | IP
Bograt

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My folks had a two step program. First, a little background: my mother was usually home untill I was 8, and my father (still) does the 9 to 5 thing.
1st offence: told I was doing somthing wrong, and warned of future punishments.

2nd offence: sent to my room for the rest of the day and if the offence was bad enough, dad spanked me when he got home.

This method had many good points, mainly it gave my mother time to cool off before she described the trouble I got into to my dad. Next, if i didi bad enough, just hearing my dad walk slooowly up the stairs, belt in hand scared the sh*t out of me, 'cause I knew what was coming, so when he finally got to my room half of his work was done. Then he spanked me, never bad enough to mark or bruise me, but enough to make me consider what I did wrong. Then later, at dinner my folks would explain what I had done wrong at that was that, no further problems, and I would go to bed a *little* wiser and in a decent mood.


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Damn you Murphy!
 


Posts: 134 | Posted: 10:30 PM on December 12, 2002 | IP
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hmmmm, that is a very interesting way to show judgement, well either way it is still hitting a child
-i am xenjael
 


Posts: 0 | Posted: 6:52 PM on December 13, 2002 | IP
Bograt

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But it WORKS!!!


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Damn you Murphy!
 


Posts: 134 | Posted: 9:46 PM on December 16, 2002 | IP
sourbubblegum

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i dont think that spanking is child abuse. there are other forms of punishment that work well too. you could just ground them or send them to their room for doing something bad. and i agree with what you said about explaining to them what they did wrong and why they are being punished instead of marching them to their room.


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Our days are numbered. Live each day to the fullest because there may not be a tomorrow.
 


Posts: 85 | Posted: 10:54 PM on December 31, 2002 | IP
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Does anyone know if Ken Lay of the crooked E, Enron, was spanked?
 


Posts: 0 | Posted: 10:25 PM on January 5, 2003 | IP
mrmazet

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Quote from Guest at 8:07 PM on December 11, 2002 :
unfortunentely spanking is still hitting, which is still abuse to the child which is still illegal, i use he threat that i will call the police any time i sense them enraged towards me. i never hit because of it.
-i am xenjael


Actualy, I think the laws for what's legal makes most spanking legal and most things any more than spanking not legal. I think the law might be nothing that leaves a mark ... or leaves a mark for some amount of time ... or something of that nature. For some reason, I find it a sad note on society, when a child can control adults with the threat of bringing authorities against them.
 


Posts: 122 | Posted: 06:45 AM on January 9, 2003 | IP
Bograt

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The whole reason for this "punishment" thing is to put fear in children. Fear of breaking rules, ect... The easiest way to do this is through spanking. Do something wrong, feel pain. Simple.


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Damn you Murphy!
 


Posts: 134 | Posted: 1:07 PM on January 9, 2003 | IP
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what about a father who yells, shouts, and threatens their kids with voices loud enough for all neighbors to hear because the boy eats instant noodles while his father forbids him, is that wrong enough to hit the boy and to yell loudly at him with threats to chuck him out of the house?

i'm the boy, yeah, and i'm 15 years old, i'm very immature, yeah, and the only thing i feel after this whole thing is to... well, take the pain and obey his orders because i owe him, and do you know, for a few seconds, i actually wanted to kill him, but then i still owe him, and that it would be ruining my future and my mother and sisters' life, and that would be giving myself a sin for someone as useless as him :/, you may think that's just thinking and saying but not doing and just some kid's stupid excuse, but i'm telling the truth... who knows tho, that might just be an excuse....

Call me immature, call me an idiot, call me a childish morron, still, that's what i'm thinking.

BTW, i'm in southeast asia, so the culture might be a li'l different, as what i've heard from my father, he always compares the kids of this age with his past experiences, he always rambles how he lives a poor life and dispair in his teenagehood, that in his days parents teach their kids with whips and hanging their hands with a rope.
 


Posts: 0 | Posted: 08:53 AM on October 15, 2003 | IP
missobvious

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Spanking a child,not abuseing,but occasilly reminding them that they should not do it again. I think it is ok to spank your kids because if you got spanked wouldnt you avoid whatever you did because you did not want to get spanked again. I was spanked as a child and that taught me respect and desilipline.[/color][color=red]


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Juliana Marie
 


Posts: 3 | Posted: 8:52 PM on November 13, 2003 | IP
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The laws differ between the states, but in almost every (if not just every) state, spanking is legal but never do they allow people to bruise or beat their children.                                                                                                                                         Just a question...have any of you people who are against spanking actually been spanked themselves? or are you just taking some biased child psychologists word for it? Siting in my neibourhood you can easily tell which children are spanked and which are not. The ones spray painting "bad" words on my car are probably the ones not spanked. In contrast to this, the ones who are well behaved and friendly to naibours are the ones who are spanked. I know this as a certainty because i asked some of the parents what methods of discipline they used and just as i thought, my suspicions were correct.                                       On a different note, i think using any impliment to spank is just plain wron. All spankings should be administered with the loving hand of a parent. But i agree, you must tell the child why you are spanking them and tell them you love and care for them afterwards.                                                                                                                                      Also, spanking should not be done out of anger, but out of love. I agree that you should give the child a chance o explain themselves or change their ways before grabbing them and spanking them. If you just grab them and start hitting, what do they learn?


 


Posts: 0 | Posted: 12:26 PM on November 16, 2003 | IP
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i think that spanking a child when you have tried explaining to them and telling them but they just don't listen is ok. When i was young and did a bad thing, my parents would spank me no matter where I was...i mean like maybe at home or at the supermarket. Once, i was in the supermarket and was bugging my mum to buy something for me but she wouldn't and i threw tantrums. So, she yanked my pants down and spanked me 3 times. Then when i returned home, she told my dad and i was caned in the backyard where i could me seen by my neigh bours. I think that they did this out of anger and i feel that parents should cool down before they mete out any punishment.
 


Posts: 0 | Posted: 8:43 PM on November 18, 2003 | IP
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okay I have heard a lot of crazy stuff for instance telling the child that someone has gotten their heads cut off for doing something wrong oh that is wrong and very violent.  I agree that some people get spanking and abuse confused. To spank your child out of anger and frustration is abuse because usually you have no limit, no draw back you continue until you feel better. But spanking is useful in certain situation for example your in the kitchen cooking and you turn your back to wash a plate your 3yr old reaches up to touch the burner you turn around just in time to catch him/her your what do you do?  You raise your voice a few octones tell that was a no no and it will it very badly if he/she touches and and tell them to sit down in the living room.  He/she cries and leaves is it over... hardly that same child will be back to do the same thing because he/she is curious and curiosity with consequence is a dangerous thing. So I think if that child was spanked he/she would learn that most of the things you do wrong come with a painful consequence. Spanking your child can save his or her life.  I have children and my children don't fear me know that raising children is not just disciplining them that you have to love and give attention as well. Not giving them love and attention is abuse. Not spanking them when need be (not for everything they do wrong) is abuse.  Children need discipline whether grounding, time-out, etc., but spanking needs to be there as well.
 


Posts: 0 | Posted: 7:23 PM on November 28, 2003 | IP
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Use your own reasoning what is right form of discpiane and the degree to which you feel is reasonable
 


Posts: 0 | Posted: 09:15 AM on January 31, 2004 | IP
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I am the father of three girls, ages three, four, and seven.  Although my kids will NOT be spanked after they are abou nine or ten, my wife and I both believe that spanking is okay as a form of discipline with young children, depending on the situation.  My girls will be spanked for ignoring my wife or I when asked to do something, breaking a rule that will put them in danger, or lying...
Unless it happens quickly, right on the spot, the girls are taken into their bedroom and their bottoms are bared before they are spanked...they are always told why they are being spanked and they are always pretty cooperative...they are always either put over my knee or standing in front of me when they are spanked.  My three and four year olds are spanked on the bare bottom with my hand, although my four year old has been spanked with the hairbrush once.  My seven year old also is spanked with my hand, but is spanked with the hairbrush for lying and more serious disobediences...
My three and four year olds have never been spanked more than ten times, and it is hard enough so that they are taught that what they did was wrong...
my eight year old has only been spanked more than ten times a couple of times, when she was very disobedient...
All three girls stand in the corner after a spanking for a few minutes...
Our girl are very generally well-behaved and loving kids...and they know we love them...they understand their discipline, and this method has worked very well for us in the past...that is why they are spanked...

 


Posts: 0 | Posted: 12:47 PM on February 7, 2004 | IP
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Well, whatever you feel, and however you punish, you have to remember to do it quickly.  With pets and young children, if you wait more than 2-5 minutes then the child/pet will not make the connection between the action and the punishment, doing none of you any good.
 


Posts: 0 | Posted: 5:16 PM on February 8, 2004 | IP
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I came from an Asian family where I was spanked and all my siblings were spanked.  It helped us learn what was wrong and if we did it again there would be more spanking. The fact that if we did something wrong we would be spanked, was enough to teach us how to behave and obey. Disobedience was never accepted in our household. Once we disobeyed our parents, our father would strip us and take a belt to our bottoms.  I think this is a great method of punishment and this will teach the child to obey.
 


Posts: 2 | Posted: 7:12 PM on March 20, 2004 | IP
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I see something here...

The people that got spanked when the were children, are for spanking..

The people that didnt get spanked when they were kids, are not for this.

Me, being 13 years old, was spanked while I was growing up.  It started when I was around 2 years old.  I never did what I got spanked for ever agian.  I'm for spanking your children.  I think they need to know when they do something wrong.  And SPANKING is not hitting, or BEATING!.  When I have children, I'm going to spank them for something they do wrong.
 


Posts: 6 | Posted: 8:15 PM on April 2, 2004 | IP
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I was spanked very, very hard as a child, & it did nothing for me but make me angry & afraid. I have three children, ages 8, 6, & 4. We use spanking as a VERY LAST RESORT. Our kids are warned first, for a second offense given a time-out(not sent to their rooms to play), & if all else fails, given a couple of licks on the rear. Nine times out of ten, grounding them works like a charm. We NEVER hit out of anger(even if I have to go in the bathroom & count to ten so I don't lose my temper) & we NEVER make our kids strip. Taking a child's pants off to whip his or her bare skin is child abuse, pure & simple, & completely unnecessary. I try very hard to only spank my kids rarely, & because I want them to learn right from wrong & do the right thing simply because it's the right thing to do, not because they are afraid of being hit.  You have to think about when these kids grow up...shouldn't they learn to behave because it's right? If they are only ever hit, & never taught why something is wrong, or that it's okay for a stronger person to hurt a weaker person if said weaker person makes said stranger person angry, then how will they ever be responsible adults? Either he'll be a bully or she'll be so immature she has to have someone standing over her constantly to keep her from screwing up.
We also have to keep in mind that we are talking about CHILDREN. Children don't automatically know what is right & what is wrong. They learn better by example than anything else. How can you teach a child that hitting someone is wrong by hitting your child? Very young children (under four) simply do not possess the mentality to "know better" than to do something. They must be constantly reminded. Their attention spans are very short & they are simply learning about the world around them. It is DEFINITELY child abuse to hit a very young child, as they cannot possibly understand why they are being hit, all they know is that it hurts. For children this age, a firm "No", at the child's eye level, & simple redirection works almost every time. For children older than 4, generally time-outs or the taking away of privileges(e.g., tv, favorite toys, etc.) works well.  
Children of course need discipline, they thrive on structure. Truly disciplining a child takes a lot more effort & responsiblity on the part of the parent, & simply hitting a child whenever they step out of line is much easier to do. Post your house rules, let your children know, beyond a shadow of a doubt, what is allowed in your house & what is not. Childproof. If you don't want your child to draw on the wall, put the crayons away & only pull them out when you can supervise your child using them. Know what is age appropriate behavior. Little kids can't act like big kids, & shouldn't be expected to do so. If you expect your child to behave a certain way, set an example. Remember that your child is not a miniature adult, s/he is a child. Let her/him be one. Most of all, remember in order to get respect, you have to give it. Respect that your child has feelings, just like you do, and s/he has an innate desire to please you, the person s/he loves most in the world. Sometimes kids have bad days, too.


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Love & Blessings, Cerridwen*

"To be nobody but yourself in a world which is doing its best, night and day, to make you everybody else means to fight the hardest battle which any human being can fight; And never stop fighting." ~~E.E.Cummings
 


Posts: 6 | Posted: 04:17 AM on May 27, 2004 | IP
Commander_SR

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Spanking your kid is wrong slapping your teenagers is allright as long as your show them that you care about them and love them a really good example is the generations our grandparents where subjects to spanking/slapping and they surely did not stray of the line of good and wrong those who did where the ones who recievede a thrashing and that is wrong!!!! that is child abuse a good way to raise your children is the 3 way method as mentioned earlier in this debate 1st time tell them no and correct them
2nd time raise your voice and still correct them
3rd time give them a loving but determind slap on the cheek this will work be sure to follow it up by a caring hug and tell your child that it is lovede but there are borders not meant to be crossed now take a look at the flower power generation and generation x these 2 generations favoured the tolerating tecniques closely by the dont caring technique these 2 generations spawnede more criminals and more out of reach teenagers then any other generations ever se a point a loving slap is better then the no-boundries method


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S.R. Pedersen
 


Posts: 3 | Posted: 10:52 PM on October 7, 2004 | IP
debateme

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I agree with spanking when used irregularly and for direct disobedience only.

Someone mentioned coloring on the walls and being spanked for it. That to me is very unfair to a child. I could see why that would confuse the child into thinking that if he friend colored on her paper she should be spanked. Unless I have told my child do not color on the walls and she turns and deliberately colors on them then this is not a reason to spank.

I am a Mom who has done much reseach on the subject and has decided it depends on the family and the child. If done in anger it is wrong if done controlled, calm and seldom it can be an effective tool. My dd is nearing four and when she turned 3 we decided she was old enough to understand our requests the first time. She has been spanked this last year maybe 3 times. For those of you who do not have children you do not understand the struggles they pick with you. Take my dd - we had a terrible time brusing her teeth when she turned a little over three. For whatever reason she choose to make this a battle. Should I let her teeth rot out? Should I pin her to the ground and force her moth open? No way. Instead we tried making it fun - I used a puppet to brush her teeth - it worked for a week. We tool away reading her books that night - that lasted about a week but cause more crying and tantrums at bedtime. Now I had two issues on my hands. We tried songs, letting her brush first, second, same time etc. didn't work. We tried time outs - didn't work. Months went by with us trying one thing after another to try and get her to cooperate. Then one night I told her if she did not open her mouth and let me or daddy brush her teeth we would spank her bottom. She opened her mouth. Next night after being warned she opened her mouth but halfway through clamped her mouth shut and began the struggle. I warned her one time. She did not cooperate so I calmly held her to me and swatted her bottom three times. She never has struggled with us like this again.

Now do I think something else may have eventually worked. Maybe, sure. I tried everything I could. I talked to her ped. about it. I'm in no way lazy about parenting her but when weighing the situation and the struggle and the way no one was happy by the time she went to bed it was best for us to swat her and move on. We've now enjoyed the bedtime ritual again.

I'm glad it worked and to be clear I in no way "hurt" her. Her bottom wasn't even red or anything. In fact I think the months of trying everything else hurt her much more.


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Carrie
 


Posts: 1 | Posted: 02:38 AM on August 31, 2005 | IP
grandpa

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I’m a grandfather, over age 50, and each day I am amazed and appalled at the site of disrespectful, disobedient children.  You see them being disrespectful and destructive in shopping malls, on the streets, and often even in church. I hear people wondering aloud at WHY were having school shootings, WHY robbery, rape, and murder dominates our news, WHY our prisons are overcrowded.  Some are the same folks cry that spanking their children is wrong and doesn’t do any good.  They support removing discipline and prayers (even a mention of the Bible) in public schools.  They don’t know how to discipline their children at home and they don’t want the schools to do it.  Contrary to what they may think, teachers don’t want that responsibility, and, I think, it is not part of their job and would never be necessary if the parents took care of their responsibilities at home.  Some children are lacking discipline at home, allowed to “bully” in school, and become robbers, rapists, and murderers as young adults.

I agree with the Committee to Prevent Child Abuse when they say, “You can do lots of things that will help your children learn self-control - you can help them feel good about themselves, you can show them how a person with self-control acts, you can guide them, you can set limits, you can correct misbehavior by talking to them, and you can teach them how to think for themselves. Respect goes both ways.  Treat children with respect and let them have some control, and they will respect you and listen to you. Children need to learn to control their own behavior even when you are not around to watch them.”

I disagree when they say, “No child needs a spanking. Spanking does not teach children how to change what they do, as good discipline should. Older children who are hit often are learning to solve problems by hitting others. Spanking can make children afraid to misbehave, but probably only when you are watching.” Assuming the children are mentally and physically healthy and in a normal healthy family, I firmly believe that spanking is an option in good child discipline if done correctly.  The world needs to wake up and see this.  First, we need to define the act of spanking children.

Spanking is NOT paddling, hitting, or beating.
It is multiple open hand slaps on the fatty part of the butt.
Spanking is NOT to be done in a fit of anger, or any sexual nature.
Spanking need NOT be abusive.
Spanking must be reserved for the most serious offenses.
The child must EARN a need for it, and privilege of avoiding it.

Who am I?  I am someone who got needed discipline at home from loving parents, and I appreciate it.  They were wonderful parents.  Herewith, I would like to share my learning discipline at home.  I have lived more than half a century as did my parents.

There are disagreements on the subject of spanking. For those who define spanking as a passing slap on the butt; they are correct in saying spanking is ineffective.  For those who give a spanking properly, then let the child continue to err, they are correct in saying spanking is ineffective.  The child must never be allowed to continue doing what they were spanked for. For those who spank or beat their child severely, if that is their definition of spanking, then truly it is wrong, ineffective and often has lasting adverse effects.  No spanking (or beating) should ever be given in anger or for your own fetish. Care should be always taken to not touch any private parts other than the child’s buttocks. The child must be handled as gently as possible to avoid bruising.

I believe that for some offenses, some children will respond only to spanking, but it should never be severe and abusive.  Safety must be always on the mind of the spanker, and care must be taken.

A spanking given in love is not abuse.  Quite the opposite; if the parent does not spank (correctly) when it is needed, that is a form of child abuse. A parent should agonize somewhat at being required to fulfill this obligation. My parents believed (1) spare the rod and spoil the child, and tempered by (2) everything in moderation.

For each offense, parents have the right to question if spanking is the right and proper solution.  Many reasons can be found to rule against using spanking as a method of guiding our children to do the right thing. The movement against spanking is strong and in my opinion, ill-guided.  It goes to the mind-set that if one incident is bad or wrong or ineffective, even though it was done wrong, the whole idea is bad.  I think if well thought out, all good parents decide to incorporate spanking in their family lifestyle.  What is the correct way to spank?

Spanking is and should be an act of love, respect, and obligation.  It is no laughing/joking matter.  The parent must accept responsibility and feel as if they are also receiving as well as giving the spanking. Our creator has given us an inherited knowledge that we are responsible for guiding our own children in the proper path for adulthood.  It is natural to  slap the buttocks of others in gesture of fondness and familiarity. You’ve seen it, and probably even inadvertently done it.  Spanking is nothing more than carrying that slap a bit farther by parents correcting their children.  The act is shared by parent and child and emphasizes that a behavioral correction is needed.  The whole act is in love, not abuse.

This time and this act must not be given and taken lightly.  The point must be made clear, and the accomplishment must be complete. Parental, in home, punishment should be a private matter between parent and child. It can be varied and still be effective.  I do believe that a long wait should not go between finding out that the child needs it and the time the child gets it.  This writing is my advice, and has some room for variation. A parent’s obligation and its fulfillment doesn’t come easy.

Only serious and habitual errors warrant spanking a child.  Basically it boils down to an attitude adjustment. It should be limited to their formative years, ages 5 - 15.  If properly disciplined before age 10, those of age 11 and over should require few to no spankings. A good rule of thumb for minimum number of smacks is one for each year of the child’s age. You and your child should have an understanding that if the spanking is to be repeated, that number could double each time. The severity of the spanking should be limited by the offense.  

Paddles, belts and other implements should never be used.  Understand that the experience of a spanking is humiliating, and no child ever needs “beating” to make a point.  Make it a well thought out plan and talk the child through it each time. With adequate explanation, a period of grounding could follow the spanking for increased severity.  Parent and child must communicate and understand.  Suggestion: if an activity is wrong and caused the punishment, work out a new more-positive activity to replace the wrong one.

When the times come that a spanking must be given, an example may be as follows.  First get over any anger and think out what is to happen.  Find a comfortable place to sit and ask your child to come to you. Smile at your child, and act as if nothing is wrong. Calmly discuss what the child did that lead to this moment. After you’ve explained what was wrong and what you are about to do, you may have to restrain the child. Immediately turn the child over so that his stomach is across your knees. If the child struggles, hold him/her down and say, “Hold still or this is going to hurt worse! I love you, and I’m sorry you make me do this!”
     
The child will most likely start begging you to reconsider, possibly even screaming.  Some will begin shedding tears.  The parent must remain steadfast, explaining in a loud clear voice.  If they still struggle, say something like, “Try to hold still; you’re going to be spanked longer if you don’t!”  When spanking the buttocks, the target is the round padded section just above where the thighs join. Some children will begin to cry before the first smack. Protests and promises will usually follow, but the parent must continue until finished.  The parent must be in control here and moderate the force of the smacks accordingly.  

A clothed bottom is less humiliating and less painful for the offending child. In fact, the child may feel no pain at all if they are cunning enough wear heavy clothing when they know a spanking is in order.  A parent must be alert to such deception and bare the area to be spanked. If a child is able to comfortably sit down within the hour after their punishment, you have failed as a parent and they will tend to repeat their misdeed.  A good spanking should be traumatic and something the child will remember for a long time.  

One Christian teaching believes that a child will never learn a lesson unless they are spanked on their naked bottoms until the imprint of the rugged cross is plainly visible on both cheeks.  (Proverbs 23:13-14)  After about an hour, when the child has calmed down, you can have him/her sit on your lap again and read some scripture verses about Hell (Matthew 13:41-42) from the Bible.  Let the child know that the punishment received today is nothing compared to the eternal punishment of Hell where all the bad little boys and girls who don't do what their daddy tells them go.

Only comfort the child immediately if it is the first spanking.  Those who have received prior spankings should have about an hour (either in their room, or a corner) to settle down. Let them know that you’ll be watching and will talk with them in an hour.  Check on them occasionally.  Tell them they are always being watched.  Tell them in a forceful tone that they cannot ever do that deed again, or they will have to have a more serious spanking. Tell them that you didn’t enjoy being forced to spank, and that you love them very much.

A good touch to concluding a proper spanking is getting on your knees and praying with the child.  Use your own prayer and belief, but if you don’t have one, you can at least say, “Lord, I love you and I need you, come into my heart, and bless me, my family, my home, and my friends, in Jesus' name. Amen."

Don’t discuss the spanking forever.  Unless the child has a question, let it be in the past and unmentioned.






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grandpa
 


Posts: 1 | Posted: 07:15 AM on October 18, 2005 | IP
couchkittie

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Quote from Cool-Hand-Dave at 12:58 AM on October 21, 2002 :
so, does that mean that the only form of punishment is hitting your kid?  and by the way, spanking is just a prettier word for hitting because we don't like to thing that we, as civilized beings, hit our kids.  why not explain to them what they did wrong (i very much agree with that part of your post) and then take away the crayons for a while and send them to their room or put them in time-out instead of being violent?  most people spank because it is an immediate response to anger and then later think it out logically.  honestly, it doesn't make sense to me.




Spanking your kids and beating your kids are totally different...and yes I believe in giving your kid a time out first or whatever...but what do you do when that doesnt work??? Let them do whatever they want and be a spoilt brat...believe me I've seen a lot of kids that dont get spankings and they are brats...but some kids do respond to time outs and what not...but not all kids do....all kids are different....
 


Posts: 8 | Posted: 01:05 AM on December 7, 2005 | IP
racoon

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I'm still classed as a child and I've never been 'spanked' as you call it in America. I find that my parents telling me what is right and what's wrong did the trick - kids can't learn that if somebody does something wrong the answer is to hit them. What if somebody insulted you when you were an adult; your parents would have drilled it into you that hitting is the answer, so you'd probably give them a hard punch in the face.
Spanking is a glorified name for hitting, and all it does is scare the kids into not doing anything bad while their parents are nearby. No long term effects except a sore behind.



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I'm too good for anything to have created me
 


Posts: 4 | Posted: 06:05 AM on February 21, 2006 | IP
EMyers

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Good for you.  You learned to do what is right through instruction.  Some kids don't do as well.  Some kids don't learn unless their is a consequence to their action.  Some behave because they don't want to be grounded.  Some behave because they don't want to do extra chores.  And some (my 12th grade English teacher just cringed) will do whatever they want unless their afraid of a sore butt.  Each parent must learn what works with their child.


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"Thou believest that God is one; thou does well: the demons also believe, and shudder." James 2:19 - Belief is never enough.
 


Posts: 1287 | Posted: 09:23 AM on February 21, 2006 | IP
GreySkyLullaby

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okay although if you have LET your kid get out of hand so much now that you must resort to hitting, i completely dissagree with it.
if you start from an eary age being firm about rules and first telling your child firmly what they have done wrong, nexttime carrying out a punishment ex: take away a fav. toy.
and if that doesnt work, gently hitting an arm NOT hard enough to leave any mark will do the trick.
the point is to startle the kid and usually a firm yell will get the point across, if you are consistent.
i was raised without ever being hit and i believe i turnd out pretty good. and i listen to my mom.

 


Posts: 2 | Posted: 8:32 PM on March 20, 2006 | IP
EMyers

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spanking a child on his rear end with your bare hand is not "hitting".  I'd rather spank him on the butt than hit him in the arm anytime.  It's alot harder to hurt someone by spanking their bottom than hitting them in the arm.


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"Thou believest that God is one; thou does well: the demons also believe, and shudder." James 2:19 - Belief is never enough.
 


Posts: 1287 | Posted: 9:15 PM on March 20, 2006 | IP
wildlife9000

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I just don't understand people that cry about "don't spank you child, it's teaching them violence" or "spanking your child is hitting". Spanking a child on his or her butt allows the child to get snapped out of whatever delirium they are in that is requiring this intervention. People that say they NEVER spanked their kids are either lying to themselves or spend every waking of their moment making sure the child never gets into a situation where they'd need to be spanked (impossible).  What I would like to know is what you do when your kid is runnign up and down the isle at the grocery store and you have asked, threatened and cajoled the child to stop. Do you buy them yet another toy? No, because that will not solve the problem of why they were running up and down the store isle to begin with. I absolutely agree that a child say from 2 to about 5 or 6 years of age a child benefits from the occasional spanking because a screaming 3 year old will not stand in the corner all nice and pretty and UNDERSTAND what he/she has done. If you NEVER spank, let me know how that's working out for ya.
 


Posts: 1 | Posted: 2:24 PM on January 31, 2007 | IP
Wyldwoodflwer

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Spanking is not the "only" form of punishment that works. When done in excess it does not teach a child right from wrong. Instead it teaches the child to fear the parents and creates a communication barrier.

However there are circumstances that warrant physical punishment. For instance I recall when my daughter was around 3 years old, I was cooking and the stove top was hot. She wandered into the kitchen and was reaching for the stove top At first I removed her and told her HOT! NO! A moment later she returned and again reached for the stove top again I firmly said NO! and took her into the toy room, gave her a few noisy toys hoping to distract her...But again she returned to the kitchen and again she was reaching her hand toward the stove top...SMACK! on her little hand...she did not return to the stove after that.
 


Posts: 3 | Posted: 1:58 PM on March 31, 2007 | IP
EMyers

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precisely, although I'm sure there are quite a few people out there that would rather you had let your little girl get a scar for life than to have smacked her on her poor little sensitive hand... :P


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"Thou believest that God is one; thou does well: the demons also believe, and shudder." James 2:19 - Belief is never enough.
 


Posts: 1287 | Posted: 2:44 PM on April 1, 2007 | IP
stariennight

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I think it's pretty ironic that since the "experts " decided  that violence/spanking begets violence, we have about 2 generations of the most violent youth on this planet. I agree that no child should be beaten, but an attention getting smack on the butt is very useful. A child must develop a fear of some things, fire/heat, streets(busy ones/cars),etc. Some will learn with explanation some need help. I'm only guessing, but the kids responsible for the school shootings, or mall shootings besides having absentee parents, were not spanked or disciplined at all for that matter. Parenting is a full time job in it's own right, and should be done by the parents, not left to daycare providers, or the schools. Once kids are in school, the rules are provided, punishments/consequences defined. now it's up to the kid. Follow the rules, or pay the consequences.


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star3953
 


Posts: 15 | Posted: 08:21 AM on April 3, 2007 | IP
SilverStar

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I always avoided things that I new would get me spanked. Spanking must work.


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Darkside Enterprises were the impossible meets possible.

Tread softy and carry a big stick, preferably an AT4
 


Posts: 681 | Posted: 9:33 PM on April 6, 2007 | IP
tasha1011

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I wrote an article that evaluates the various viewpoints of spanking by those who endorse the notion and those who are against it.  You can read it at

http://www.suite101.com/content/is-spanking-detrimental-to-children-a284874

Tell me what you think.  
 


Posts: 3 | Posted: 10:52 PM on October 7, 2010 | IP
    
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